I can t even wow Is anyone else completely aghast that this dreck saw a printing press not to mention became a wildly popular series I thought I was being hard on Twilight when I criticized it for portraying a relationship so ill advised and unhealthy and then romanticizing that relationship to young people as if people didn t already make enough bad decisions I thought maybe now that Book 1 was done the series would take a nice turn.Enter New Moon Exit Shred of decency.Were it simply a problem of the weakly developed characters, confused and uneven plotline, hundreds of pages of cloying depression only to be replaced by cloying sentimentality later on , and an appalling and unsubtle parallel to Romeo and Juliet, this novel would simply be mediocre teen fare.But then we must consider the problem of Bella whiny, needy, and sullen, blindly devoting herself to a partner that constantly patronizes, criticizes, and subjugates her only for him to leave so she can spend the next 8 months in a state of emotional vacancy so acute that she forgets everything else in her life that a girl can be happy about Bella is only complete and she says this herself when her man is by her side And apparently, according to Meyer at least, this is ok It s ok to create a character so bereft of purpose, self assurance, and identity that she can t live without a relationship based on nothing substantial, just beauty, lust, and exoticism.And it s ok for her to experience no emotional maturity whatsoever because in the end, her lover comes back spewing the same gushy nonsense as before while still lording it over her and flying into rages when he doesn t get his way.The only compelling character in this story was Jacob That is until he became a werewolf and became as cardboard and unappealing as the rest of the cast The irrational hatred between vampires and werewolves gets played off as instinctual, but it has all the logic of bigotry, and that these characters do nothing to try overcoming it is yet another way in which they are immature and non self examining.Due to the audience for which this intended, I have to say that New Moon and the Twilight Saga as a whole are not just poor, they re damaging.And don t even get me started on the epiphany of p 527 We were expected to believe Bella thought Edward had ceased to love her even though an autistic housefly could see it was nowhere near true This book failed Intensely I m sorry. You may have heard me rant about the previous novel Twilight I decided to read the sequel, just to see if it will get better.Boy, was I wrong.First off, we began with Bella Swan bitching about how old she s getting, because Edward stays 17 forever, and since her birthday is coming up, she ll be one year older than her perfect lover Um older than him Looks wise, yes, but these dumbasses don t realize is that he s 100 YEARS OLDER THAN HER WHAT THE HELL IS HE EVEN DOING IN HIGH SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE What really makes me annoyed with this couple was the fact they were comparing their relationship with Romeo and Juliet It s nowhere even close to that because you two have no reason for loving each other On a side note, Romeo and Juliet have no reason for loving each other, but they had a lesson in the story They die anyways Anyways, they have a party and things get a little out of control when Bella cuts herself unintentionally and Jasper can t control his vampire needs Edward realizes he needs to protect Bella, and in order to do that, he must go away with his family In order to pull an irritating fan girlfriend off your back is to hurt them really badly And that s what he does.Bella decides that without Edward, she has no reason to live any, even though she unexplainably can hear him inside her mind What a baby Luckily, Jacob saves her from attempted suicide as I m guessing, and starts hanging out with her At this point in the story, I m starting to hate Jacob a little less and begun to eventually like him, because he sof an original character than Edward He makes mistakes, unlike Edward He hasof a potential and realistic relationship with Bella To top it all off, he s a werewolf and vampires so happen to be his worst enemy.However, things start to getcomplicated in the story When Bella figured out Edward was going to Italy to ask this vampire family to kill him because he thought Bella is dead from some misinterpretation Being the piss off as she is, she immediately pushes Jacob aside and her developing feelings and travels to Italy to stop Edward In the end, they re together They don t need anyone else, only each other to survive Fucking lunatics.I hate Edward now He s just too unoriginal for me Fan girls including Bella only love him because he s the hottest thing since ipods They love an image of their boy dreams, but they hate the character that s actuallyhuman than Edward, the sex god What s the world coming to these days I swear Jacob needs to get out of that retarded novel before Stephanie Meyer comes up with a way to make everyone have a reason to hate him Good job, babe, good job. There Is An Alternate Cover Edition For This ISBN Here I Knew We Were Both In Mortal Danger Still, In That Instant, I Felt WellWhole I Could Feel My Heart Racing In My Chest, The Blood Pulsing Hot And Fast Through My Veins Again My Lungs Filled Deep With The Sweet Scent That Came Off His Skin It Was Like There Had Never Been Any Hole In My Chest I Was Perfect Not Healed, But As If There Had Never Been A Wound In The First Place For Bella Swan, There Is One Thing Important Than Life Itself Edward Cullen But Being In Love With A Vampire Is Even Dangerous Than Bella Could Ever Have Imagined Edward Has Already Rescued Bella From The Clutches Of One Evil Vampire, But Now, As Their Daring Relationship Threatens All That Is Near And Dear To Them, They Realize Their Troubles May Be Just Beginning Keep in mind that though this review is about to wheel off into an angry rant, this book is good The series is addictive And as I said previously about Stephanie Meyer, if you want to cease brain function for a few hours, she s your girl.The beginning is slow, the middle is gold, the end is lacking The blank pages to represent months passed in zombie depression, great idea.Now, my problem My problem is not so much with the story as it is perhaps with the idea behind the story and thus, the author herself It all starts with Romeo and Juliet Stupid kids Yes, yes, the great tragedy of love Please note the word tragedy came before the word love Because without the tragedy there would be no story What would the story be otherwise I m not going to presume to rewrite Shakespeare at least not for the hypothetical purposes of illustrating a point in this review I will say, that I find it sad and unfortunate that Meyers insists on her characters not only admiring Romeo and Juliet not the play, but the hormone addled teenagers who committed suicide rather than take a minute to think it through , but specifically referencing the star crossed lovers in near direct comparison to her protagonist and the lover vamp Her main character also can be caught reading Jane Austen, buton that later My point Impossible love is a great story No doubt And Meyer s characters, the human girl and the vampire um, Buffy and Angel anyone are certainly in an impossible situation Great, perfect, wonderful The difficulty No where to go That s what makes Romeo and Juliet a tragedy That s why Buffy and Angel never got back together What choices has she left us Either the human becomes a vampire or the vampire in what would be a HUGE cheat becomes human again So Make the human a vamp, right Problem solved Well, despite the flippancy with which so many of Meyer s characters approach this option, to do so would be a tragedy of sorts Because in effect, it would be suicide, a life ended to be with the man she loves so senselessly that it makes you wonder how she could admire Jane Austen at all Yes, Jane Austen writes about love, but take a look at Sense and Sensibility Jane Austen recognizes that love iscomplex than the simple lust of it while Romeo and Juliet barely get a chance to blink before they marry, screw and die much like the carrion flies Romeo references Strength of character, not the sweaty passion, conquers all Clear conscience and unerring moral fortitude conquers class differences, social stigmas and familial disapproval And so, they all get to live happily ever after.This is your dilemma Stephanie Meyers You ve laid the groundwork, not for a Jane Austen like happy ending despite the odds, but a Shakespearian tragedy that will not only leave the audience sobbing, but foaming mad Frankly, the readers of today don t want a tragedy for the most part , they get that enough every day They want the happy ending I want the happy ending and what would that be in this situation As far as I can see there is no way to have a true happy ending Either you make a living girl a vampire Or you pull out the deus ex machina and make the vampire a human Neither option will be unsullied enough to be fully satisfactory Personally, I would rather see the girl become a vampire, though I wish the character would take it a littleseriously than she has Because my sense of fairness would be violated if the vamp miraculously becomes a human But no matter how it ends, I fear I will be disappointed, as the endings of both books have been so thoroughly let downs I cannot imagine the author has it in her mind to tack a new course at this point How do I have the audacity to be so critical Have I written a New York Times Bestseller Two, three Not yet. Uhg I read Twilight and was sorely disappointed in it, but I had heard through a series of acquaintances that this one was better that it introduced werewolves and slightly healthier relationships.I was deceived It was awful not as bad as its predecessor, but still pretty bad Right off the bat Bella is crying about how she hates her birthday and dreads aging and wants little to do with her birthday This was a annoying to read through because I kept thinking to myself, What teenage girl thinks this way Perhaps they do, but when I was a teen, I could only think of how awesome I was going to be when I got older and hadexperiences.Skip to the party She cuts herself and a unicorn cries, she is suddenly alone on the forest floor Her life is over now that Edward gone For the next hundred pages or so we enter DIARY MODE, complete with day to day updates on how she is truly dead inside I found myself skimming though this sickeningly pitiful section like it was a high school biology book till I got to some substance ENTER JACOB STAGE RIGHT Ainteresting character with short term goals and a little bitof a personality Still devoid of any mannerisms, as are ALL the personnel of this series, but he s at leastdynamic I liked him, but it was painful to see that Bella really only used him for her next hallucination fix She rambles on and on for hundreds of pages talking so much about the hole in her chest and how it burned and itched and stung and pussed and well, showed all the good symptoms of a bad STD that the plot seemed to vanish beneath her pained musings and constant reminders of Edward.The story continues along at the pace of a bike going uphill with square tires till BAM werewolves This was nifty to me, having always liked werewolves with self control and a purpose, but Meyer had no better way to describe them then exploding Every werewolf exploded, all the time, over nothing It was boring at best, and even though this is painted on the walls from the first book, and used as a tool to beat you with during the introduction of Sam and his cult, Bella is still oblivious Once she finally realizes what s going on, she is unphased I guess we should have expected as much and uninterested An interesting aside to this section of the book They actually introduce a character that is NOT beautiful, godlike, stunning or otherwise perfect Emily, the wife of Sam, has a horrific scar pattern stretching across her face and down her arm Sucks to be her, we are left to assume because she is immediately dismissed as an unimportant character and forgot about which leads me to the last section of the book.Here is where I got angry at the book I m not sure I ve ever felt angry at a book before I read this last part Bella is tired of waiting for her wolf protector and decides to go cliff diving as previously mentioned in the beginning of the book As you might have guessed, she yet again fails miserably and nearly drowns, only to be saved yet again, but not before seeing VICTORIA the shadowy plot device that has been loosely keeping this story together At this time I was thinking, Ooooh Finally Nodiary We might actually have some conflict to gnaw on anger flares Like a stereotypical sad teenage boy that needs to cut himself for attention, Edward runs off to Italy to kill himself This is where I imagine Meyer had hit writers block, and decided to get her computer chair wet again by gushing over the painfully gross relationship that Bella and Edward share She kicks Jacob and her father aside like used rags, and jet sets out to Italy to an airport where apparently there is no immigrations office to herd you along for a few hours getting injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected, selected and all kinds of crazy stuff , to save Edward One hundred pages of overdramatic swooning and crashing and hissing leads to Bella being exposed to the ugly side of vampire lifestyle and the ultimatum that she has to become one or die This was boring at best, with four chapters of frustrating mushy googly eyes and epiphanies that the condescending git, Edward, loves the paper thin floozy Bella and she settles in for a marriage and a blood stained picket fence in Meyer s dress up game of angles and demons. When she was 12 me and my daughter Georgia went to see Twilight After the movie I asked her what she thought THAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER she said And she went to see it threetimes, with people other than me.So she bought the book and read it in about four hours I asked her what she thought THAT WAS THE BEST BOOK EVER she said.Then we got the dvd of the movie and she watched it again THAT WAS THE WORST MOVIE EVER she said I was surprised but she explained Bella is stupid, Edward is stupid, nothing looks right, they miss out all the important stuff, it s so bad, it s so so so bad Then she read all the other Twilight books in like four hours NEW MOON IS THE WORST BOOK EVER FOR 200 PAGES AND THEN IT S THE BEST BOOK EVER she said By now she was 13 A week ago she said NEW MOON IS COMING OUT SOON, I M SO EXCITED, I CAN T WAIT TO SEE IT, CAN WE GO ON THE VERY FIRST DAY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE and I said But you think Twilight The Movie is stupid Yes, it is stupid she said and I can t WAIT to see how bad New Moon is Critics ps Now aged 13 she s going to see the new Robert Pattinson movie Remember Me I assume that s because he s so hideous and such a bad actor oh, hai, just me here, reading new moon on my nook simple touchthis twilight craze the books are not as bad as the haters say they are, but they are also nowhere near as good as lovers of this series believe this installment was just kind of bland despite my reading it on the fine e ink technology of the new nook.she did one thing right one wonderful thing i assume it is too late to actually spoil anything in the bellaverse, so i am just going to barrel ahead but when edward leaves bella in the woods that moment when she just loses her mind and her desolation and her emptiness and her self destructive impulses shoot straight to the surface it was pretty well done because let s face it, we have all been left behind by someone we are still in love with even me wonderful, wonderful me and having recently rewatched my favorite movie, head on, i have to point out the best scene in it, and how it mirrors this book this is a spoiler for head on which you should all watch and be gutted view spoiler so that scene where sibel is in instanbul and she gets harassed outside the bar by those four guys and she just attacks them that headlong run into destruction because you don t want to have to kill yourself, but you are not opposed to someone else doing it for you and each time she gets up after being beaten down you can tell she is happier and happier with that gleam of defiance because she feels like she deserves this punishment, and she is hoping it will end in her own obliteration so she canget some peace from her misery that is the best part in any movie anywhere, and a feeling very close to my heart of being unmoored and not caring what happens to the physical body because the emotional part is dead hide spoiler As ye sow, so shall ye reap Earlier this year, I foolishly lent my copy of Twilight to Cate across the road She liked it Then, when she got a place at college last month, we thought we d give her something as a congratulations and going away present It was so logical to buy a copy of New Moon.Cate zipped through it quickly, and dropped off her copy before leaving so that I could read it too How could I possibly say anything except thank you Well look on the bright side I ve heard so much about this book, and I suppose it is interesting to see what people are talking about But, Jesus Christ, Bella is eighteen and she s already obsessing about getting old She keeps hassling Edward to turn her into a vampire so that she can stay young and pretty for ever There is some chance that this will result in her losing her immortal soul, but hey, seems worth the risk.I suppose future ages may consider that this says something about early 21st century Western society You don t exactly have to overexert your mind to come up with interpretations in that direction.So here s a thought that occurred to me this morning, which I m surprised to find hasn t already been discussed to death by hardcore Twilight fans Bella is a bright girl who gets mostly As and Bs at school, so why hasn t she stopped even for a second to consider the physics of vampires To start with, where do they get their energy from They don t really eat, they don t really drink, and they don t even need to breathe Yet they re incredibly strong and fast OK, they claim they need blood every now and then But not, apparently, very often, and how could they possibly get this amount of energy from the occasional liter of blood Then they re hard, like marble In fact, if they didn t claim to be vampires, would we even think of calling them that They certainly seem to be a lotlike humanoid robots And if you just follow up that hypothesis for a moment, several things fall into place Their blood must surely be full of those little nanobots that are going to be the Next Big Thing When a vampire bites a human, the nanobots get into the victim s bloodstream and start restructuring him from the inside out, replacing all the soft animal tissue with something fardurable That no doubt includes the brain too they probably scan it and then map the structure onto software, a trick that s been standard in SF for several decades now No wonder the vampires can think so uncannily fast But if your brain has been scanned, destroyed, and turned into software, are you still the same person You can see why Edward is warning Bella that she might lose her soul It s a bit like turning an LP into a CD, a process that several of my classical musician friends describe in exactly those words And, going back to where we came in, where is their energy coming from Those nanobots must have their own power source too I must admit that I don t know what it is The fact that vampires don t seem to need any kind of material inputs suggests it s not chemical nuclear seemslikely Maybe they have some kind of catalyzed cold fusion, or it could be a post quantum force that we haven t discovered yet After all, we re way overdue for the coming revolution in physics.Also, where did the nanobots come from, and why are vampires unhappy to be out in open sunlight I can only see one sensible answer They can t have been created by humans Vampires have been around a long time, and human technology was primitive when they first appeared They must be from elsewhere, which in practice means from another solar system Probably they were originally created thousands of light years from here, and have been drifting slowly on the cosmic currents for millennia Well, if their normal habitat is deep interstellar space, no wonder they re scared of sunlight They wouldn t normally be this close to a star they re not designed for it at all And here s the thing that surprised me most In fact, the story isn t irrelevant or far fetched If people like Ray Kurzweil are right, it s tackling what could soon be a major issue According to Kurzweil, the Singularity is supposed to arrive this century, and those nanobots will be a reality Millions of people will have to make exactly the moral choice that Bella has to make in the book Are you going to stay human, or allow yourself to be transformed into a godlike and near immortal being, which might however not actually be you anyIt s interesting that the books are appearing when they are, and present such a compelling emotional case for allowing yourself to be infected by nanobots If you like conspiracy theories, feel free to speculate somehere I m doing my best to like this book I mean, hating it would hardly be a challenge, would it But every now and then, I get a passage like this one I d been broken beyond repair.But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug I d used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I d planned to go with anyone again.Aaarrrrgh Having now reached the end, I must admit that I enjoyed New Moonthan I d expected Of course, there are some problems, starting with the fact that Stephenie Meyer can t write to save her life But by making it a first person narrative told by the shy, clumsy Bella, she has found an ingenious way to get around that Bella s endearing klutziness is just a metaphor for her evenserious problems as a writer As she keeps telling us, every time she walks across a room she wonders if she ll trip over her feet and end up in hospital similar remarks apply to her ability to string together an eight word declarative sentence But she s stylistically consistent, and after a while I found myself accepting her This just happens to be her voice, even though it s not a very good one.I also thought that she was a seriously unreliable narrator Not about factual events to start off with, she doesn t seem to be imaginative enough to make anything up When it comes to telling us about her feelings, however, I found it hard to believe her, and presenting everything as a mass of regurgitated romantic clich s is an effective way to show us how poorly she understands herself We hear over and over again that she loves Edward, and only thinks of Jacob as a friend But we also hear that Edward feels hard and cold to the touch I couldn t help thinking of the wonderful scene in Mean Girls where Rachel McAdams s Cool Mom insists on giving Lindsay Lohan a silicone enhanced hug I m sure that Bella often winces in just the same way when Edward hugs her, though she doesn t allow herself to notice it In contrast, Jacob is warm and alive, and she genuinely likes holding his hand and feeling him put his arm around her There are several scenes when she nearly kisses him, knowing full well what that will lead to It s clear that she wants to, and the excuses she makes to herself about him just being an unsatisfactory substitute for Edward are laughably unconvincing.I found the opposition between Edward and Jacob the heart of the book, and after a while I decided that the author was presenting something interesting and essentially honest The tricky thing is that she s subverted the vampire symbol Usually, vampires represent the young girl s simultaneous dread and fascination in the face of sex But Edward isn t very sexy We re always being told that he looks like an angel, and indeed there does seem to be an angelic purity about him I find it muchplausible that he s representing religion, and when you think of him in those terms several other things come into focus As Richard Dawkins keeps telling us, a religion is a kind of virus, which infected parties want to spread as quickly as possible well, vampirism is rather like that too And Bella is very conflicted in her feelings about vampires She loves the Cullens, her family , but she is well aware that most vampires are monsters If you re brought up in a cult like religion, that s not a bad metaphor All other religions are evil and wrong your own religion is the one exception to the rule.As everyone knows, Stephenie Meyer is a committed Mormon It doesn t seem far fetched to claim that Bella s feelings about vampires mirror the author s feelings about her religion, which among other things is very down on premarital sex And that s where the werewolves come in they represent the normal sexual feelings that most young Mormon girls are taught to deny The tension between these two conflicting attractions is what gives New Moon its undeniable force, and I found the story credible at an emotional level I can readily believe that it s just like that to be a eighteen year old Mormon girl with a healthy sexual appetite, and I feel I understand their plight better after having read this book Well done, Stephenie Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget it was a hard line to walk. bReally cringing at my younger self..And yet.I still loved itSo, I guess I m cringing at my older self too Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason And then you shot across my sky like a meteor Suddenly everything was on fire When Bella gets a paper cut during her birthday, she in typical ridiculously unstable fashion slices her arm open and stuffs it with glass She becomes surrounded by seven thirsty vampires.While she manages to make it out alive, Edward is horrified by what his family has the potential to do How is this a surprise They re bloody vampires. Edward does the sensible thing and completely erases himself from her life Bella does the sensible thing and completely erases her mind She throws herself into this weird fugue state for the first few chapters I honestly have no idea how to live without you. Codependency for the win Seriously, their relationship is so messed up when I think about it 100 year old man, 18 year old girl I meantechnicallyit isn t statuary but give Edward a few wrinkles and a stooped walkand this book would be giving off a whole different vibe.Looking back now, I don t understand how I was Team Edward for this book Poor Jacob did all that work with healing Bella only to get thrown aside as soon as a little sparkle dances her way I remember my sixteen year old self absolutely crying when Bella goes into the fugue state after Edward leaves and bawling again when he came back I kept thinking, This is TRUE love Woah, Nelly At least I don t feel the same nowrightThe 2018 PopSugar Reading Challenge An allegoryAudiobook CommentsThe girl voices done by Ilyana Kadushin were alright but her version of male voices were rather terrible Picture a girl with the scratchy cold voice That s every guy in the book Sigh.Blog Instagram Twitter This should suffice.